S3E8 Cards – Warzone & Vanguard

• Blaise McClancy
• October 16, 2024
• Cards
• cards, episode 8, season 3
• 0 Comments

The camera opens up to show Valora sitting behind a desk.  She adjusts her suit a bit before getting started.

Valora Salinas – Right.  First off, before we get to the cards, there are a few items of business I have to address.

Valora points to the side and on the screen, a clip of Lana knocking Ben Price out cold plays.  Valora shrugs.

Valora Salinas – A lot of fans online seem intrigued as to what the punishment will be for Lana.  The answer to that is.

Valora pauses, letting the tension build a bit

Valora Salinas – None.  There will be no punishment for her.  Ben Price left the commentary area and furthermore put his hands on a wrestler.  The moment he did so, he lost any and all protections he might otherwise have been entitled to.  Let this be a warning.  Wrestlers are not allowed to attack a non-combatant.  But the moment you put your hands on a wrestler, the moment you interfere in their match.  The moment you indicate hostile intent towards them, they absolutely can put you on your fuckin’ ass.

Valora shuffles through some paper and holds up another piece of paper reading it.

Valora Salinas – Huh.  Would you look at that?  It seems my dear, dear friend Natalia Santiago has a contract that allows her to wrestle.  Hmm.  Maybe that will come in handy later.  Let’s just set this aside, shall we?

Valora grins and winks as she sets the contract aside.  She then clears her throat and nods.

Valora Salinas – Oh, yes.  I know you all are desperate for a response to the actions of my daughter.  Firstly, her baseball swing needs work.  Secondly, my god chica, learn how to properly apply makeup, Halloween isn’t for a couple of weeks yet.

Valora shrugs and shakes her head

Valora Salinas – But kids will be kids, I suppose.  I know, you guys want a response to Armand and Esmeralda.  Sorry.  That won’t be coming here.  Stay tuned.  I promise you will see some fun shit coming down the pipe.  Speaking, let’s get to the fuckin’ cards!

Valora once more does her best Vanna White impression and a picture of the Broadmoor Arena appears.

CWF Vanguard Broadmoor Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado

Valora Salinas – We start off  with Vanguard.  Coming to you live from Colorado Springs, Colorado.  Armand and Esmeralda von Krauss sprung an interesting little surprise on us last cycle.  So it should be interesting to see how this cycle turns out.

Valora shuffles through the stack of papers in front of her and continues

Valora Salinas – We start off with a newly signed talent debuting against the man who needs no introduction because no one knows who the fuck he’ll show up as.  Samael Drago takes on Mysterion.  

Valora Salinas – From that opening match, we go into two more newer signings.  Terry Martel takes on Johnny Sniper.  Johnny Sniper is.. Well I guess he’s decided to make a living as a merc.  Sadly, Madd Morales might prove a bit beyond his abilities considering the big bad Marine sniper got his ass handed to him by a movie starlet and.. I dunno what the fuck Karlie is but apparently it’s more bad ass than being a Marine Sniper.  I’m sure Greg Salazar is disappointed in the drop in standards in the military.  Anyways, he gets a chance to redeem himself against Terry Martel.  Martel came out last cycle and laid down an open challenge and Johnny Sniper apparently decided this was a better option than getting fuckin’ murdered by Madd Morales and voila. 

Valora Salinas – Next we have the team of eNVy which has some kind of soul sucker who doesn’t suck or steal souls in Vespertine, teaming up with Karlie Nash.  These two tools of von Krauss will be taking on…

Valora shuffles through her paper

Valora Salinas – Ah, the worst luchadores I’ve ever seen in my life.  I’m sure this will be a riveting match and I’m forced to actually hope that von Krauss’ tools win the match.  Fuck me.

Valora Salinas – We then move on and Lana Hill takes on Elena Esposito.  Flip a coin on this one, one is as likely to win as the other.  Lana decided to sacrifice her position as the mascot of CWF and the loveable fan favorite underdog to join the evil circus of evil clowns and wannabe evil wrestlers..  Only thing I can say is I hope she got something good in the trade.  It doesn’t seem like it so far.

Valora Salinas – Tracy Cage takes on Tetsuo Oni IV.  Not sure what to say about this one, Tracy Cage has proven she has some talent.  Tetsuo Oni makes a big deal about being a second generation wrestler but I don’t see much evidence of that helping her so far.  Now, yes rookies typically struggle, but the Upstarts are at a turning point.  The nKo is trying to convince Abigail that she doesn’t need the Upstarts.  That they are holding her back.  Bad Company is not likely going to be allies of theirs after Abigail screwed Kronin over. Right now, the Upstarts are under siege and this match is a lot more crucial than it might seem.  Can Tetsuo Oni the IV turn things around and rally the troops?  Are Japanese Animes right that the power of friendship always triumphs?!  Let’s fuckin’ hope so.

Valora Salinas – Speaking of needing to turn things around.  Padre Nate vs. Miguel Lanza Jr.  Miguel looks impressive but without my hija or Tetsu Oni IV to carry his ass he mostly just excels at finding ways to almost win, before fucking it up.  Miguel Lanza Jr, master of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

He takes on Padre Nate who is.. Well.. showin’ his fuckin’ age as of late.  His daughter is chomping at the bit and.. Nate’s gonna hate me for this but.. Fuck it.  I’m willing to sign her.

Bottom line here is if Nate can’t beat the very, very beatable young rookie.  Then I’d say it’s time he has a long look in the mirror and decides whether he can continue fighting.  He’s quick to lecture about Pride.  Don’t let your own pride lead to a fall you can’t get up from, amigo.

Valora Salinas – This then brings us to the main event of the Vanguard show.  Another fuckin’ reject from the emo goth girl squad in Zolothach takes on Kat Hale for the 4 Winds Tempest Title.  Now, my take?  I like Kat Hale, and by the way, Morgan Decker had nothing to do with her getting signed by CWF and she has proven herself a talented asset to the company on her own merits.

Then we have Zolothach, or Tabitha Osborne.  I could make fun of her, sure.  But truth be told.  I respect this chica’s ability to take a beating.  The toughest part about being a pro fighter is being able to take the hit.  This woman is fearless in the ring and is out to make a name for herself.  Thus this title match is what the Tempest title should be about.  Two up and coming fighters trying to make a name for themselves.  May the baddest puta win.

Valora Salinas – and that wraps up Vanguard, and we can now move to civilization when Warzone cruises into the Mile High city of Denver.  A city that like to brag about being high altitude but they ain’t got shit on Mexico City.  

Valora smirks for a bit then shrugs

Valora Salinas – Anyways, Warzone will be heading into the Ball arena in Denver, Colorado, home of the NBA’s Denver Nuggets and the NHL’s Colorado Avalanche.

CWF Warzone Ball Arena, Denver Colorado

Valora looks through the matches and laughs a bit as she sees the first match

Valora Salinas – Ah yes, the mouth of the Bastards, who now plays the part of the retarded Godfather and his puta who just makes up a past that makes her fuckin’ delusions make sense.  I’ve warned you two repeatedly to be careful.  You decided to mistake my mercy for weakness.  So.  Since Natalia so desperately needs me to be the bad girl.  I will be.  Opening up Warzone will be Trelisa Perrault vs.. Natalia Santiago.  You wanna make aspersions on my talent?  I back up my boasts, puta.  Time to see you do the same.  I’m placing my money on the fact that you’re a washed up hack who is about to get her ass kicked by a young rookie.  Oh, by the way, your lackeys are banned from ringside.  If anyone other than you or your useless boyfriend get involved this match, I will fire both you and Frank.  I don’t care which one of you two get your asses into the ring, but one of you will fight this week.  I’m tired of you two useless shits running your collective mouths and not backing it up.  Now, believe it or not, I’m not just doing this to be vindictive.  I mean, I am absolutely being vindictive.. But if Frank and I agree on anything, it’s our dislike for von Krauss.  I’m hoping one of you can summon enough fuckin’ fighting spirit to take out one of the tools in the nKo.  Can you manage that?  Or do I need to book you two against someone more your speed like Malibu Mike?

Valora Salinas – Next up, we have my favorite match and a signature match of mine, the Death Match.  We’re calling this one a wasteland death match and it will see Gabriel Tuck taking on Eoin O’Rourke.  Both men are familiar with violence so this should be a fun match to watch.  Grab the popcorn folks.

Valora Salinas – Next up, we have a Maelstrom title match.  Tarrasque vs. Steve Murdock.  Jasmine Minton has resurfaced and seems to be willing to continue meddling in the affairs of CWF wrestlers.  Stock up on your holy water, crosses and STD kits, kiddies there’s no telling where she’s been.  Anyways, this should be a good match and will be provided Jasmine Minton doesn’t meddle in it, but given her revenge boner for getting back at Tarrasque and Marcus Anderson, odds are this will be an interesting match

Valora Salinas – Well, well the next match.. Heh.  My wayward daughter, who literally could not be acting more like a teenager if she tried, is taking on D.  My daughter has decided she gets to be the arbiter of when it’s time for veteran wrestlers to hang up their boots, so, chica.  Allow me to book you against a veteran.  Let’s see you put your fuckin’ money where your mouth is, chica.

Valora shuffles through her papers and nods

Valora Salinas – Ah!  Yes.  Tag team title match!  Greg Salazar and Kronin will defend the CWF tag titles, and only the CWF tag titles against Rob Riot and Eddie Williams.  I sure hope Eddie ambushing my daughter doesn’t come back to bit his team in the ass in this match.  That would be.. Tragic.

Valora Salinas – Next up we have the Valor Title on the line as Karlie Nash takes on Monster Mammoth.  I really do not like the von Krauss faction being in charge of multiple titles thus far and would like to say Karlie Nash is a threat to relieve him of his belt, but Mammoth is..a lot of man.  Karlie Nash has a chance to really put herself on the map here.  Let’s hope she takes the chance offered her.

Valora Salinas – This brings us, finally, to the main event.  Kara Reinhardt vs. Madd Morales for the Elite Championship.  This should be an interesting match up.  Bad Company taking on the nKo.  Also a return match of sorts since both Morales and Reinhardt were in the Elite X match that saw Madd Morales inherit my belt.  Now, in a one on one match, it will be fun to see who comes out on top.  The air devil or the Aryan super soldier.